I'm An Optimist - I

One Of My Life Goals Is To Be A Best Man. It's A Baller Position. You Get Drunk, You Make Speeches, And You Make Love To The Prettiest Bridesmaid, Usually Standing From Behind.

I Was A Dishwasher At One Of Those Japanese Places That Cook On Your Table. Not Too Fun.

I Was Surprised To Learn That Research Showed Arranged Couples Tended To Be Happier In The Long Run.

Really Good Comedians, You Know, When They Go On Stage, They Don't Really Care What The Audience - They're Fearless, You Know? They're So Comfortable That They Don't Care. They Don't Have That Neediness Where They Need The Laughs.

Yeah, I've Been A Little Down. Totally Natural. I'm Getting A Divorce, But Now I'm Ready To Pull Myself Up By Some G-strings.