If You Want To Feel

When A Couch Potato Is Sliced Up And Then Deep Fried That Is Couch French Fries.

The Thing About Glitter Is If You Get It On You, Be Prepared To Have It On You Forever. Because Glitter Doesn't Go Away. Glitter Is The Herpes Of Craft Supplies.

I Saw A Sign That Said, 'watch For Children.' I Was Like, 'that Sounds Like A Fair Trade - Especially If They're Crappy Kids.'

Sometimes, When Something Really Great Happens To Me, I Like To Wait Two Weeks Before I Tell Anyone About It, Because I Like To Use The Word 'fortnight'.

I Walk Around And Think About Things. When I Come Across A Thought That Makes Me Laugh, I Write It Down. Then, At Night, I Say The Thought To People Through A Microphone. I Don't Think About Politics Or Pop Culture Very Much, So Those Thoughts Don't Often Make It To The Microphone.