If You Told Me Two

I Don't Write Jokes First. I Write Down Topics. I Think Of What I Want To Talk About, And Then I Write The Jokes - They Don't Write Me... And Even If You Don't Think It's Funny, You Won't Think It's Boring. You Might Disagree, But You'll Listen. And Maybe Even Laugh As You Disagree.

Only Married People Understand You Can Be Miserable And Happy At The Same Time.

Funny Is Only Something That Others Know About You - You Can't Be Funny By Yourself.

Farrakhan Got Everybody Together For The Million Man March And Everything. But Farrakhan Don't Like The Jews. Which Is Bugged. I Get My Hair Cut On Dekalb Avenue. I Never Been In A Barbershop And Heard A Bunch Of Brothers Talking About Jews. Black People Don't Hate Jews. Black People Hate White People! We Don't Got Time To Dice White People Up Into Little Groups. I Hate Everybody! I Don't Care If You Just Got Here. "hey, I'm Romanian." "you Romanian Cracker!"

When You Make Comedy, You Make It For The People And You Try To Have As Many Screenings And As Many Tests And You Do Focus Groups And You Read The Cards And You Try To Give The People What They Want In This Comedy.