I See Guys Who Can't

I Love Having Somebody There - That Companion Thing. You Know Who You're Going To Eat With, Who You're Going To See A Movie With.

The Government Doesn't Want You To Use Your Drugs, They Want You To Use Their Drugs.

I Like Talking About Subjects That Aren't Funny In The First Place And Making Them Funny. So Anything Down And Depressing Is Something I'll Talk About.

You Won’t Be Able To Take Your Eyes Off The Next Four Presenters: Salma Hayek And Penelope Cruz.

Every Comedian Has A Moment In His Life When He Realizes He's A Little Bit Different From Everyone Else. It's Like Being The Only Guy In A Movie Who Sees The Ghost. The Ghost Talks To You And You Talk To Him. Then You Turn To Your Friend And Say, "hey. Do You See That Ghost? And He Says, What Ghost?"