If You Resolve To Give

If You Mind Losing More Than You Enjoy Winning, Don't Bet.

The Depressing Thing About An Englishman's Traditional Love Of Animals Is The Dishonesty Thereof ... Get A Barbed Hook Into The Upper Lip Of A Salmon, Drag Him Endlessly Around The Water Until He Loses His Strength, Pull Him To The Bank, Hit Him On The Head With A Stone, And You May Well Become Fisherman Of The Year. Shoot.the Salmon And You'll Never Be Asked Again.

I Was Going To Talk About Nicholas Parsons' Ignorance, But 18 Seconds Would Be A Wholly Insufficient Time.

There's No Law That Decrees When Not To Whinge, But You Reach A Certain Age - 80 Seems About Right - When You're Expected To Manifest Querulousness - The Coffee's Too Hot, The Boiled Egg's Too Soft.

In Moments Of Considerable Strain, I Tend To Take To Bread-and-butter Pudding. There Is Something About The Blandness Of Soggy Bread, The Crispness Of The Golden Outer Crust And The Unadulterated Pleasure Of A Lightly Set Custard That Makes The World Seem A Better Place To Live.