If Nothing Is Serious Anymore,

Steve Dallas...a Frat-boy Lawyer Who I Knew In School. He's Never Written Me. I Suspect He Was Shot By An Annoyed Girlfriend, Which Has Saved Me Many Legal Fees.

I Was Never Asked To Join The Editorial Cartoonists Of America. No Fraternity Would Have Me In College, Either. I Think They Know Something.

It's Never Too Late To Have A Happy Childhood.

My Kids Hear Me Behind My Door, Giggling Like An Idiot, And They Roll Their Eyes At The Blatant Indignity Of It All.

I Hate Smoothies. Because They Won't Offer Firestone Ipa Beer As An Ingredient.