If Mike Tyson Was The

Comedians, We're Just People Who Whine. But We Happen To Be Funny When We Whine.

I Had A Career Before The Stern Show, On Mad Tv. I Was On The First Two Seasons Of That And I Got Kicked Off It Because Of Possession Of Cocaine.

Artie Is Going To Do What Ever Artie Wants To Do.

Don't Do Drugs To Be Cool, Do 'em Because You Hate Yourself.

It Is Funny Because The Guy Who Is My Boss Now, Howard Stern, Has A Similarity There. He Got Big Being A Regular Guy. He Wasn't The Greatest Looking Guy In The World