If It's Not Bourbon Or

On Furnishing One's Home - Pick Your Furniture Like You Pick A Wife; It Should Make You Feel Comfortable And Look Nice, But Not So Nice That If Someone Walks Past It They Want To Steal It.

On My First Driving Lesson “first Things First: A Car Has Five Gears. What Is That Smell?…okay, First Thing Before That First Thing: Farting In A Car That’s Not Moving Makes You An Asshole.

Writing A Book Is Incredibly Pleasurable, But Very Solitary. You Have Total Control, But Sometimes That Can Drive You Insane.

Before I Proposed To My Now-wife, I Was Understandably Nervous. My Father Suggested That I Take Stock Of All Of My Experiences And Relationships With Women, From My Earliest Memories To Present Day, And See If I Had Learned Anything That Might Inform My Decision.

I Feel Like If I'm Going To Give You A Book About My Dad, Then I Really Want To Give You My Dad, Because He Is Interesting And He Is Funny And If You're Buying A Book About Him, I Don't Want You To Have To Sit Through Stuff That's Not Him.