If I Had To Live

I Think The Republican Party Should Be Placed In Drydock And Have The Barnacles Scraped Off Its Bottom.

Drink Reacts On Its Practitioners In Conflicting Ways. One Brave Can Knock Off A Quart Of Scotch And Look And Act As Sober As Herbert Hoover. Another, After Three Martinis, Makes Two-cushion Carroms Off The Chaise Lounge As He Attempts To Negotiate The Bathroom.

I've Tried Several Varieties Of Sex. The Conventional Position Makes Me Claustrophobic, And The Others Either Give Me A Stiff Neck Or Lockjaw.

I'd Rather Be Strongly Wrong Than Weakly Right.

If I Had To Live My Life Again, I'd Make The Same Mistakes, Only Sooner.