If I Found Yoko Ono

Comedy - And I Say This With Humility - Comedy Needs Me.

I Lived To Be On Stage, And I'm Terrified. Terrified Before Every Show.

When A Man Has A Birthday, He Takes A Day Off. When A Woman Has A Birthday, She Takes At Least Three Years Off.

"i've Learned What's Funny Verbally Ain't So Funny On E-mail: They Don't Hear Your Intonations. Melissa Broke Up With Somebody Over That. She Tried To Tell Him: "that Was A Joke!" But He Just Didn't Get It. Mick Jagger Said, "f- 'em If They Don't Get The Joke." And I Love Him. That Comes With Age: Knowing It's Their Problem, Not Mine."

Money Can't Buy You Happiness But It Can Pay For The Plastic Surgery.