I Would Like You All

Women Always Think That I'm Chandler, So If I Don't Joke Around For Half An Hour They Think That Something's Wrong. Then I Explain That I Don't Have Comedy Writers Scripting Everything I'm Saying At This Particular Dinner.

I Am Fine With The Fact That Some Of My Hair Is Gray. If It Was All Gray Overnight, That Would Be A Scary Thing.

I've Just Found Out There Are Pages On The Internet Dedicated To Whether I'm Gay Or Not.

To Me, Writing Is Remembering Something Funny That Happened, Or Maybe Something I Said Seven Years Ago.

I Got Sober Because I Was Worried I Was Going To Die Next Year.