I Want To Marry The

The Opposite Of Sad Is Down's Syndrome.

When I Was Seven, I Broke My Leg Playing Soccer. Just To Feel Something.

We Just Found Out My Little Brother Has A Peanut Allergy, Which Is Very Serious I Know. But Still I Feel Like My Parents Are Totally Overreacting - They Caught Me Eating A Tiny Little Bag Of Airline Peanuts And They Kicked Me Out Of His Funeral.

An Offended Audience Member Repeating A Comedian's Act From Memory Is Worse Than, Literally, Anything.

Donald, I'm Not Sure If You're Even Aware Of This, But The Only Difference Between You And Michael Douglas From The Movie, Wall Street, Is That No One's Going To Be Sad When You Get Cancer.