I Want To Be Buried

People Have Been Able To See That As Cheeky And As Flirty As I Am, I Am Not The Dreadful Slapper That The Press Used To Portray Me As. But It Will Probably All Turn Around And People Will Hate Me Again In A Couple Of Years.

My Husband Says My Toes Are Like Wall's Cocktail Sausages. He Feels Peckish Whenever He Sees Them.

If I Had A Dream Show, I Probably Shouldn't Even Mention It In This Climate, But It Would Be Like A Kind Of Fix It Show.

I Should Have Been Out There Having A Wild Time Like All The Other Girls My Age, But I Wasn't. I Was Going Home Every Night To What Was, Initially, A Very Happy Marriage.

When I Go To One Of Those Singles Dating Parties I Believe Myself To Be A Bowl Of Fruit. When I Talk To Potential Dates, I Judge Them By The Smile In Their Lips, Their Smoothness Of Speech, And The Whiteness Of Teeth; Then I Offer Them The Appropriate Fruit, Which Is Usually A Lemon.