I've Won Satan's Lottery.

He Wanted Her To Experience All The Glorious Cheese Of Life.

It's Christmas! Ah, Christmas, The Time When All Good People Go About Not Decapitating Each Other.

I Could Stand On My Head And Flick The Bean Right There At The Dinner Table And My Mom Would Be All, "honey, Christmas Is Family Time, We Should Be Together" And Make Me Finish In Front Of Everyone.

...as If Someone Had Thrown A Hand Grenade Into The Middle Of A Teddy Bear Orgy And The Only Survivors Had Had Their Fur Blown Off.

The Medium Obscured The Message.