I've Known Nicholas Parsons For

Congealed Fat Is Pretty Much The Same, Irrespective Of The Delicacy Around Which It Is Concealed.

Wine Buffs Write And Talk As Though The Food And Wine Will Be In Your Mouth At The Same Time, That One Is There To Be Poured Over The Other. This Is Bullshit. Gustatory Enjoyment Comes From Food And Wine And Cigars Of Your Liking. So Far No One Has Said That A Monte Cristo Is The Only Cigar To Smoke After Armagnac, Romeo And Juliet After Calvados ... But The Time May Yet Come.

I Think Our Police Are Excellent, Probably Because I Have Not Done Anything That Has Occasioned Being Beaten Up By These Good Men.

Owning A Racehorse Is Probably The Most Expensive Way Of Getting On To A Racecourse For Nothing.

I Was Going To Talk About Nicholas Parsons' Ignorance, But 18 Seconds Would Be A Wholly Insufficient Time.