I've Always Thought The Best

When I Was A Kid, My Nickname Was Mr. Baseball. Because Of The Stitches.

I Picked Up A Hitch Hiker. You've Got To When You Hit Them.

I Lent A Friend Of Mine $10,000 For Plastic Surgery And Now I Don't Know What He Looks Like.

Thinking Up Jokes Is Easy. The Hard Part Is Trying Them Out On Stage, Because You Never Know If They're Funny Until You Get There. Not One Comedian In The World Ever Really Knows.

My Dad And I, We Used To Play Baseball. I Was The Catcher. Which I Liked. Until One Day, I Saw This Game On Tv, And I Said, Hang On, How Come Their Catcher Doesn't Have His Hands Tied To His Ankles?