I Think That You're Always

Larry Flynt, Running For Governor Of California. His Goal - Change Our State Bird To The Spread Eagle.

California's Economy Is Declining So Rapidly That Candidates Are Asking 'are You Better Off Now Then You Were Four Minutes Ago?'

In Massachusetts, Scientists Have Created The First Human Clone. The Bad Thing Is That In Thirty Years, The Clone Will Still Be Depressed Because The Boston Red Sox Will Still Have Not Won A World Series.

Or As Hockey Player Sergei Fedorov Knows It, 'the Day I Can Legally Start Telling Everyone I Am Sleeping With Anna Kournikova.'

As The Democrats Get Revved Up At Their Convention In Boston, President Bush Is Fighting Back The Only Way He Knows How: By Going On Vacation! Ah, It's Nice To Take A Rest, Replenish Your Supply Of Smirks. The Vacation Was Expected, Because Bush Traditionally Takes A Month Off Every Summer To Relax And Avoid Reading National Security Warnings.