I Think It's Funny To

It's Like Having... You Know, Your Phone Has A Charger, Right? It's Like Having A Charger For Your Whole Body And Mind. That's What Transcendental Meditation Is!

Golf Is The Ultimate Avoidance Activity For The Dysfunctional Dad. A Game So Nonsensically Difficult, So Pointless, So Irrationally Time Consuming, The Word Golf Itself Can Only Stand For ‘get Out, Leave Family.’

Actually, The Only Memory I Have Of Being A Cub Scout Was Trying To Get My Hat Back. That Was All I Did. Run Back And Forth At My Bus Stop Going "quit It."

The Hardest Thing In Comedy Is To Have The Biggest Laugh At The End, And It’s The Most Satisfying Thing.

I Wrote An Article On A New Porsche For 'automobile Magazine.' I Knew The Editor, And She Asked Me To Write This Article. So I'm More Proud Of That Than Anything.