I Think In Our Desire

Scientists Say Over The Next Hundred Years, The Coast Of California Will Sink Almost Five Feet. So The Presidential Candidates Need To Do Something. Mitt Romney Is Conflicted. On One Hand, He Denies That Global Warming Exists. But If California Is Under Water, He Would Definitely Win The Next Election.

A Lot Of People Come To L.a. Looking For Something. What I Came Here For, I Realize Now, Is To Be Okay With Myself.

Valentine's Day Is Celebrated A Little Differently Here In L.a. Nobody Eats Chocolate Because Of The Calories, So People Give Each Other Tofu-shaped Boxes Filled With Bean Curd. Then They Fantasize About What Their Pilates Instructor Would Be Like If He Was Straight.

I Don't Think Of Myself Of A Late-show Host Any More Than I Think Of Myself Of A Game-show Host. I Mean, I've Done Both, I've Been An Actor. I'm Just Kind Of A Carny, That's It.

It's A Book. It's Mine. And It's Done.