I Tell Very Mean Jokes.

I Have That Need In Me, I Want Everyone To Love Me, But I'm Embarrassed By That Need, So I Wanted To Cover It Up In My Persona. I Felt Like I Wouldn't Be Able To Do Stand-up For A Career If I Was Needy. I Didn't Want To Be Complaining Or Whining Onstage. I Wanted To Be Cool And Do Exactly What I Wanted To Do. That Way I Would Never Have To Change For Anybody.

Childhood Obesity Affects All Pedophiles.

The True Meaning Of Christmas Is Actually Centuries Of Gullibility.

I'm Really Proud Of The Album. It's Something I Always Wanted To Do But I Had To Wait Until I Was Ready. Shakespeare Is A Culmination Of Eight Years Of Stand Up Experience And Joke Writing. I Recorded Two Shows At The Upright Citizens Brigade Theatre In New York. The Crowds Were Great And That's What Really Makes An Album.

My Girlfriend Loves To Eat Chocolate. She's Always Eating Chocolate. And She Likes To Joke She's Got A Chocolate Addiction. You Know, She'd Be Like Keep Me Away From Those Chocolate Bars, I'm Addicted To Them. And It's Really Annoying. So One Day I Put Her In The Car And I Drove Her Downtown And I Pointed Out A Crack Addict. And I Said You See That Honey? Why Can't You Be That Skinny?