I Swear I Want To

I'm Not A First-place Person.

Gift-wrap The Framed Artwork On Your Walls And Rehang Them - What's Nicer Than A Wall Of Presents To Look At?

I Cried When I Had No Shoes, Until I Met A Man Who Had No Feet. And Then I Laughed Really Hard.

People Always Think I'm Amy Poehler, Which Never Bothers Me. I Mean, Amy Poehler Is Great.

Begin Your Story With A Sentence That Will Immediately Grab Hold Of Your Listener's Ears Like A Surly Nun In A Catholic School.