I Rented A Car. I

I Got Binoculars 'cause I Don't Want To Go That Close.

I Had A Paper Route When I Was A Kid. I Was Supposed To Go To 2,000 Houses. Or Two Dumpsters.

I Like Those Blow-up Beds. "this Becomes A Full Size Bed In Three Minutes!" Well, A Mattress Kicks Your Ass. Zero Seconds. "yeah, But You Can Store This Thing." You Can Store A Bed, Too - In The Bedroom.

The Only Way I Could Get My Old Cd Into Stores Is If I Took One In And Leave It. "sir, You Forgot This." "no, I Did Not. That Is For Sale. Please Alphabetize It."

I Tried To Have A Cookie, And This Girl Said, "i'm Mailing Those Cookies To My Friend." So I Couldn't Have One. You Shouldn't Make Cookies Untouchable.