I Really Like John Mccain.

In Order To Feel Safer On His Private Jet, Actor John Travolta Has Purchased A Bomb-sniffing Dog. Unfortunately For The Actor, The Dog Came Six Movies Too Late.

You Have To Try Your Hardest To Be At The Top Of Your Game And Improve Every Joke You Can Until The Last Possible Second, And Then You Have To Let It Go.

I Hire People That Are Good, And Aren't Crazy. Or Assholes. Because That Takes Up Too Much Time. There Are Just As Many Good People Who Are Not Crazy.

Obviously, As An Adult I Realize This Girl-on-girl Sabotage Is The Third Worst Kind Of Female Behavior, Right Behind Saying "like" All The Time And Leaving Your Baby In A Dumpster.

Sleep When Your Baby Sleeps. Everyone Knows This Classic Tip, But I Say Why Stop There? Scream When Your Baby Screams. Take Benadryl When Your Baby Takes Benadryl. And Walk Around Pantless When Your Baby Walks Around Pantless.