I Only Do Two Things

It Is My Wish To Die Of Unique Causes, Perhaps In A High-speed Tricycle Crash, A Bizarre Stapling Incient, Or As A Result Of Inadvertently Sucking My Brains Out Through My Ear While Trying To Untwist The Vacuum Hose.

I Was Court-ordered To Alcoholics Anonymous On Television. Pretty Much Blows The Hell Out Of The Second A, Wouldn't You Say?

It's Funny That We Think Of Libraries As Quiet Demure Places Where We Are Shushed By Dusty, Bun-balancing, Bespectacled Women. The Truth Is Libraries Are Raucous Clubhouses For Free Speech, Controversy And Community. Librarians Have Stood Up To The Patriot Act, Sat Down With Noisy Toddlers And Reached Out To Illiterate Adults. Libraries Can Never Be Shushed.

The Position Of First Lady Has No Rules, Just Precedent, So Its Evolution Has Been At A Virtual Standstill For Years. If Martha Washington Didn't Do It, Then No One Is Sure It Should Be Done.

I Have Jokes I've Told Before And Will Tell Again, But My Favorite Part Of The Night Is Talking To The Crowd.