I Never Go Jogging, It

Happiness? A Good Cigar, A Good Meal, A Good Cigar And A Good Woman - Or A Bad Woman; It Depends On How Much Happiness You Can Handle.

I'd Rather Be A Flop At Show Business Than To Be A Success At Something I Didn't Like.

I'd Say That About 82 Percent Of What I Write Is Bad, But Don't Go By Me; I'm As Bad A Judge As I Am A Writer. Look, If It Were All Good, You'd Be Paying Twice As Much For This Book.

When Jack Benny Has A Party, You Not Only Bring Your Own Scotch, You Bring Your Own Rocks.

Everyday Happiness Means Getting Up In The Morning, And You Can't Wait To Finish Your Breakfast. You Can't Wait To Do Your Exercises. You Can't Wait To Put On Your Clothes. You Can't Wait To Get Out. And You Can't Wait To Come Home, Because The Soup Is Hot.