When Jack Benny Has A

I'd Say That About 82 Percent Of What I Write Is Bad, But Don't Go By Me; I'm As Bad A Judge As I Am A Writer. Look, If It Were All Good, You'd Be Paying Twice As Much For This Book.

Life's But A Day At Most.

First You Forget Names, Then You Forget Faces. Next You Forget To Pull Your Zipper Up And Finally, You Forget To Pull It Down.

Retirement At Sixty-five Is Ridiculous. When I Was Sixty-five I Still Had Pimples.

People Ask Me What I'd Most Appreciate Getting For My Eighty-seventh Birthday. I Tell Them, A Paternity Suit.