I'm Dead Sober. This Is

I Hate Saying, 'i Like Exercising.' I Want To Punch People Who Say That In The Face.

Where Are The Robert Redfords And Paul Newmans Of My Age Group? I Love James Franco, But Where's The Next James Franco? Where Are The Hunks Who Can Act?

My Run Is So Weird. That's What I'm Most Nervous About In This Whole Ordeal. I'm Most Nervous About Everybody Making Fun Of The Way I Run. I Do, Like, Karate Hands. Instead Of Running With My Hands Closed Together Like A Normal Person. It's Like I'm Trying To Be Aerodynamic Or Something, So My Hands Are Straight Like Razors. Karate Hands.

I Had To Learn How To Chop Wood Actually - I Don't Think My Dad Would Have Let Me Go Chop Wood In The Backyard Growing Up.

I'm Sorry, I Just Did A Shot