I'm A Huge News Junkie.

They Say The Only People Who Tell The Truth Are Drunkards And Children. Guess Which One I Am.

Now You'll Have To Wait For Hours In Line For Medical Care Instead Of Immediately Not Getting Any.

To Quote From Another Gospel, Dune By Frank Herbert, 'fear Is The Mind-killer.' ... Jesus Was The Original Muad'dib.

If I Ever Succumbed To The Demon On My Shoulder Going, "you Should Get Something Special Because You're Famous," That Is The Moment That My Behavior Will Be Caught On Social Media For All Time. I'm Even Afraid To Use It To Get A Reservation. This Is The Person Who Will Tweet, "can You Believe What This A-hole Did?"

Thanksgiving Is A Magical Time Of Year When Families Across The Country Join Together To Raise America's Obesity Statistics. Personally, I Love Thanksgiving Traditions: Watching Football, Making Pumpkin Pie, And Saying The Magic Phrase That Sends Your Aunt Storming Out Of The Dining Room To Sit In Her Car.