I Love Steven Wright.

When I'm Buying Car Insurance I Ask Myself, 'which Company Has The Most Annoying And Relentless Commercials?'

A Car Alarm Is A Way For A Car To Tell Everyone That Its Owner Is An Asshole.

Never Be Less Interesting Than Your Refrigerator Magnets.

Our Times, A Brief History: As Televisions Became Flatter, People Became Rounder.

The Clothes Make The Man. The Children Working In Sweatshops Make The Clothes. Therefore, The Children Working In Sweatshops Make The Man.