I Like Vending Machines, Because

I Am Wearing A Vest. If I Had No Arms, It Would Be A Jacket.

My Roommate Says, "i'm Going To Take A Shower And Shave. Does Anyone Need To Use The Bathroom?" It's Like Some Weird Quiz Where He Reveals The Answer First.

I Have A Roommate, And I Signed A Year Lease. I Screwed Up! That's Like I Wrote A Joke That Didn't Work, But Now I Have To Tell It For A Year.

I Don't Have A Microwave Oven, But I Do Have A Clock That Occasionally Cooks Stuff.

I Wanted To Buy A Candle Holder, But The Store Didn't Have One. So I Got A Cake.