I Like My Parents But

I Think People Have A Strong Desire To Push Me And Others Into Some Sort Of Political Box That They Can Wrap Their Minds Around.

I'm Not Comically Oriented. I Get Angry And I Start Complaining And Then People Start Laughing. I Don't Even Want Them To Laugh Half The Time.

When I'm In Power, Here's How I'm Gonna Put The Country Back On Its Feet. I'm Going To Put Sterilizing Agents In The Following Products: Sunny Delight, Mountain Dew, And Thick-crust Pizza. Only The 'tardiest Of The 'tards Like The Thick Crust.

We're All Animals, That We All Respond To The Same Stimuli. If You Want To Motivate Somebody Not To Have Premarital Sex, Or Motivate Black Bears Not To Go Diving Into Dumpsters, First You Have To Think About Why They Do It. Telling Them To Stop Isn't Going To Help. There Has To Be Some Incentive For Them To Alter Their Behavior.

What We Used To Settle With Common Sense Or A Fist, We Settle With Hand Sanitizer And Lawyers.