I Just Don't Like Travelling

I Look Like Julian Clary On Steroids.

I Often Tell Audiences At The Start Of My Shows That I'm Not Gay Because I've Got Petitions From Lesbian Groups Saying 'can You Tell People You're Heterosexual Because You're Giving Us A Bad Name.'

I Pay A Bit More Than Lip-service To Health: I Don't Eat Chips Or Pre-prepared Food, And It Might Be A Comedy Sacrilege To Admit I Do Like Vegetables, Fruit And Salad And Stuff.

Christians Have Always Been Fodder For Comedians Who Have Tended To Portray Them As Anoraks - Slightly Clammy, Beatifically Smiley Dullards With Barely A Personality Between Them.

It's Got Too Much Hard Work Slapping Them And Telling Them To Shut Up.