I Have That Hypocrisy Of

There Is A New Bill In The Senate That Is Upsetting A Lot Of People. This Bill Would Give The President The Power To Shut Off The Internet. Al Gore Is Strongly Opposed To It. Not Because He Invented The Internet. Because He Did. But Because He Just Signed Up For Match.com.

Technically My Dog's Naked Most Of The Time. Except Halloween, When I Dress Him Up As Liza Minelli.

The Afghan Government Is As Corrupt As A Prostitute With A Law Degree.

I Said That The Only Way I Could Have A Band That Would Work In The Format Of My Show Is If The Band Were Crap. So If I Have A Band They'd Have To Really Suck.

School Did Give Me One Of The Greatest Gifts Of My Life, Though. I Learned How To Read, And For That I Remain Thankful. I Would Have Died Otherwise. As Soon As I Was Able, I Read, Alone. Under The Covers With A Flashlight Or In My Corner Of The Attic—i Sought Solace In Books. It Was From Books That I Started To Get An Inkling Of The Kinds Of Assholes I Was Dealing With. I Found Allies Too, In Books, Characters My Age Who Were Going Through Or Had Triumphed Against The Same Bullshit.