I Have Talents Aplenty. Unfortunately,

Two Things You Need To Know About Taxes. They've Extended The Deadline To April 18, And When You Write Your Check, Just Make It Out To China.

There Is So Much Oil Now In The Gulf Of Mexico, And You Can Thank The Folks Of British Petroleum For This, So Much Oil In The Gulf, You Can Now Park On It.

Pepsi Has A New Doritos-flavored Mountain Dew. No, We Don't Have An Ebola Vaccine, But We Do Have The Doritos-flavored Mountain Dew.

Security Here In New York City Is Still Very Tight. Hookers In Times Square Now Are Demanding Two Forms Of Fake Id.

Earlier Today, We Got A Call From Stephen Hawking. He's A Genius, And After 6,028 Shows He Ran The Numbers And He Said It Works Out To About Eight Minutes Of Laughter.