I Have No Idea What

I Was Sitting In The Toilet And I Was By Myself. I Was Tired Of Playing With The Roller, So I Said I'd Better Write A Book.

They Always Use The Word 'insult' With Me, But I Don't Hurt Anybody. I Wouldn't Be Sitting Here If I Did. I Make Fun Of Everybody And Exaggerate All Our Insecurities.

I've Never Been Able To Tell Jokes. In The Beginning Of My Career I Did Impressions And Jokes Like Any Other Comedian, But I Was Never Very Successful Because I Did It Poorly. So I Started To Talk To The Audience And Started Talking About The Atmosphere Around Me And Started To Become Angry, Not In A Mean-spirited Way, But In A Fun Way - And My Attitude Developed From There.

I've Never Gambled A Dime. Never, In All My Years In Vegas.

Once In A While, When I'm Alone, I Think About My Age. I Think, How Many More Years Do I Have On This Earth? But I Can't Really Conceive Of Dying. Somehow, In My Head, I Don't Think I'll Die. I Know That Everybody Dies, Of Course. I Just Think That It'll Never Come To Me. It's Crazy, But There It Is.