I Hate Small Towns Because

Anyone Who Does Anything For Pleasure To Indulge His Selfish Soul Will Surely Burn In Hell.

Communism Is Like One Big Phone Company.

Part Of The Kick Of Making People Laugh Was Doing Something Different. We Were A Rare Breed - Spotting One Of Us Was Like Pinning A Space Alien, Or Abdominal Snowman. There Were Maybe A Hundred Stand-ups In The Whole Country When I Was Doing It.

The Only Truly Anonymous Donor Is The Guy Who Knocks Up Your Daughter.

You Put A Guy On A Desert Island, He'll Do It To Mud, A Chicken, A Barrel, Anything, A Knothole.