I Had Fun Pretending To

Parenting Is The Most Important Job On The Planet Next To Keeping Gary Busey Off The Nation's Highways.

Xenophobia Doesn't Benefit Anybody Unless You're Playing High-stakes Scrabble.

My Fear Of Flying Starts As Soon As I Buckle Myself In And Then The Guy Up Front Mumbles A Few Unintelligible Words Then Before I Know It I'm Thrust Into The Back Of My Seat By Acceleration That Seems Way Too Fast And The Rest Of The Trip Is An Endless Nightmare Of Turbulence, Of Near Misses. And Then The Cabbie Drops Me Off At The Airport.

Women Don't Like Guys Who Are Dangerous. Women Just Want Us To Think That Because Women Are Trying To Kill Us.

When Your Mother Starts Using The Word "party" As A Verb About Her Kid, That's Absolutely Crazy.