I Dream Of Starting A

I Try To Write Three Jokes Every Day. I Don't Sit Down And Write Them, It's Just Things That Pop Into My Head. Then I'll Go Watch It Fail Onstage That Night.

I'll Never Forget My Grandmother's Last Words. She Said 'what Are You Doing?'

There Was A Long Time Where I Was An "artist" In Quotes, Who Had No Money. But I Guess Back Then I Also Never Had A Girlfriend.

I Don't Mean To Be Gross, But The Only Time It's Good To Yell "i Have Diarrhea" Is When You're Playing Scrabble Because It's Worth A Shitload Of Points.

I've Always Been Attracted To Sad. If You Look At Woody Allen Movies, He's Often Playing A Sad Clown, And It's Always Been Interesting. And Angry Clown Is Even More Interesting.