I Don't See Myself As

Saying That You Don't Believe In Magic But Do Believe In God Is A Bit Like Saying You Don't Have Sex With Dogs, Except Labradors.

Like Most Of The World's Population I'm Into Coffee, My Perfect Weekend Would Start With A Pint Of Coffee.

I Don't Think Young People Should Have Bottoms, They're Too Young For That Sort Of Thing.

As Soon As I Did My First Five Minutes Of Stand-up I Knew That I Would Rather Be A Failure At Comedy Than A Success In Marketing.

My Mum Told Me The Best Time To Ask My Dad For Anything Was During Sex. Not The Best Advice I'd Ever Been Given. I Burst In Through The Bedroom Door Saying "can I Have A New Bike?". He Was Very Upset. His Secretary Was Surprisingly Nice About It. I Got The Bike.