I Couldn't Walk Up To

Most Practical Jokes, I'll Feel Too Bad For The Other Person So I'll Stop Just Before The Punchline.

It's That I Wasn't Suited To Do The Kind Of Comedy That These People Were Coming To Hear - Mainstream Comedy.

You Know, When You Do Standup There Are Certain Requirements That You Have To Do Like You Have To Go On Stage And When You Get Introduced You Have To Say "hey,how Ya Doin'? How Are Ya?" I Couldn't Do It. It Was False.

Millions Of People Are Married. I've Never Picked Up A Paper And Seen A Headline That Says, "man Gets Married!"

Hitler Really Ruined That Mustache For Everybody. It’s Really An Interesting Mustache, But Now, No One Can Wear It.