I Can Drink Like A

I Don't Ever Want To Have Kids Of My Own. But I Do Want A Lot Of Kids.

Every Night, My Girlfriend Comes Home From Work, And She Brings With Her A Houseplant. She's Like, 'anthony, I Had To Pick This Up. We Need A Houseplant In Our Apartment.' And Every Night, I Make Her Return It. I Say, 'no Way, Baby. You Can't Take Care Of A Houseplant. You Couldn't Even Keep Your Baby Alive.'

My Ultimate Goal Is To Do Whatever I Want, Whenever I Want To Do It. And That Keeps Changing. I Didn't Want To Host My Own Show Until I Wrote For Someone Else's.

I'm Interested In Doing Some Acting In The Future, But It's A Distant Second To Stand Up.

I Would Love To Dj The Royal Wedding. Just So I Could Play Candle In The Wind Non-stop.