I Am Always The Baywatch

I Told Hugh Hefner, "i Have This Crazy Boyfriend." And Hef Was Like, "you're Not Going Anywhere With A Crazy Boyfriend," And So He Put Me In A Mansion In Bel-air With An Opera Singing Chinese Maid, And I Was Driving A Bentley, And A Friend Of Mine Came By And Was Like, "what Is Going On? Why Are You Living In This Mansion?" And I Was Like, "isn't This What Happens When People Move To La?

It's Going To Take A Certain Man For Me To Ever Get Involved With, Because He'll Have To Realize I Don't Have Two Children, I Have Three. Tommy Is Always Going To Always Be A Part Of My Life.

I Have This Phobia: I Don't Like Mirrors. And I Don't Watch Myself On Television. If Anything Comes On, I Make Them Shut It Off, Or I Leave The Room.

I'm A Soccer Mom. I'm T-ball, Soccer, Karate, Homework, Keeping Them On Their Schedules. I Love Being The Snack Mom, When I Get To Bring The Cut Oranges. I Have One Of Those Coolers With Wheels. I'm At Every Game, Every Practice, Sitting On My Blanket. I Love It.

I'm A Complete Romantic - It's Why I Always Get Married. Someone Should Really Stop Me.