I Always Plan Dinner First

Let's Face It: It's Difficult Enough To Be Funny Without Worrying About What Is Going To Offend Whom.

My Father Helped Me Leave. He Said, 'it's All Out There, It's Not Here.'

As Life's Pleasures Go, Food Is Second Only To Sex. Except For Salami And Eggs. Now That's Better Than Sex, But Only If The Salami Is Thickly Sliced.

My Father Was A Dreamer - My Hero. He Was A Smart, Tough Guy From Poland, A Cutter Of Lady's Handbags, An Old Socialist-unionist Who Always Considered Himself A Failure. His Big Line Was: 'don't End Up Like Me.'

My Son Says I Never Tell Stories About Anyone Who's Living.