I Aim To Please. I'm

I Haven't Had A Drink In Thirteen Years, But Occasionally I'm Tempted To Have One Beer. The Problem Is That If I Have That One Beer, I Wake Up In Tijuana Four Days Later With A Tattoo And A Sore Ass.

Apple Released The Upgraded Version Of The Iphone 4, Called The Iphone 4s. I Think The S Stands For Suckers.

Being An American Is Something I Wanted To Be For A Very Long Time, Probably Since I Saw The Moon Landing When I Was A Child.

Technically My Dog's Naked Most Of The Time. Except Halloween, When I Dress Him Up As Liza Minelli.

I Think I'll Be Scottish In Every Movie I Write. They Always Try To Talk Me Out Of It, But Woody Allen Is Always A Nebbish New Yorker. Why Shouldn't I Be A Goofy Glaswegian?