Being An American Is Something

If I Start Giving People What They Like I'll Turn Into One Of Them And I Don't Want To Be One Of Them I Want To Be One Of Me.

The Difference Between A Broadcaster And A Host Is That A Host Tells Stories And Dumb Jokes, But A Broadcaster Can Articulate Deeper Like, You Know - Things And Stuff.

Is It Really That Important? It's Just Television, For God's Sake. It's Not Medicine Or Something.

I Don't Like The Whole Blowing The Candles Out Ritual... Blowing Their Germs All Over The Cake. If I Want To Catch Something On My Birthday. I Don't Want It To Be From The Cake. If You Know What I'm Saying.

By The Power Of Steven Wright's Beard!