Hollywood Likes To Boast That

Hollywood Likes To Boast That It Can Elevate The National Conscience.

When I Conducted A Beer-rating Session Last Year, I Wrote That Most American Beers Taste As If They Were Brewed Through A Horse. That Offended Many People In The American Beer Industry, As Well As Patriots Who Thought I Was Being Subversive In Praising Foreign Beers. I Have Just Read A Little-known Study Of American Beers. So I Must Apologize To The Horse. At Least With A Horse, We'd Know What We're Getting.

Show Me Somebody Who Is Always Smiling, Always Cheerful, Always Optimistic, And I Will Show You Somebody Who Hasn't The Faintest Idea What The Heck Is Really Going On.

When I Asked Him How Long He Had Been Driving A Taxi, He Said, Dree Mouse.

Strict Gun Laws Are About As Effective As Strict Drug Laws...it Pains Me To Say This, But The Nra Seems To Be Right: The Cities And States That Have The Toughest Gun Laws Have The Most Murder And Mayhem.