For Five Hundred Dollars, I'll

The Best Part About Being My Age Is In Knowing How My Life Worked Out.

Highly Intelligent And Well-informed People Disagree On Every Political Issue. Therefore, Intelligence And Knowledge Are Useless For Making Decisions, Because If Any Of That Stuff Helped, Then All The Smart People Would Have The Same Opinions. So Use Your "gut Instinct" To Make Voting Choices. That Is Exactly Like Being Clueless, But With The Added Advantage That You'll Feel As If Your Random Vote Preserved Democracy.

As Network Administrator I Can Take Down The Network With One Keystroke. It's Just Like Being A Doctor But Without Getting Gooky Stuff On My Paws.

If Free Will Exists, Why Do The Tallest Candidates With The Best Hair Usually Win Elections ?

Your Shower Is Ready - I Turned It On Last Night.