For Days After Death Hair

I Hated My Last Boss. He Asked, Why Are You Two Hours Late? I Said, I Fell Downstairs. He Said, That Doesn't Take Two Hours.

Happiness Is Being Served With A Paternity Suit On Your 75th Birthday.

I Wouldn't Have The Slightest Interest In Running For Public Office. I'd Rather Make Jokes About Politicians Than Become One Of Them.

Americans, Too Many Of Them, Take Themselves Too Seriously. You're Going To Get Rapped - By The Viewers, By The Sponsors And By The Network Brass - If You Joke About Doctors, Lawyers, Dentists, Scientists, Bus Drivers, I Don't Care Who. You Can't Make A Joke About Catholics, Negroes, Jews, Italians, Politicians, Dogs Or Cats. In Fact, Politicians, Dogs And Cats Are The Most Sacred Institutions In America.

I Heard From My Cat's Lawyer Today; My Cat Wants $12,000 A Week For Tender Vittles.