Don't Jump On A Man

There Aint Any News In Being Good. You Might Write The Doings Of All The Convents Of The World On The Back Of A Postage Stamp, And Have Room To Spare.

Many A Man That Could Rule A Hundherd Millyon Sthrangers With An Ir'n Hand Is Careful To Take Off His Shoes In The Front Hallway Whin He Comes Home Late At Night.

A Fanatic Is A Man That Does What He Thinks The Lord Would Do If He Knew The Facts Of The Case.

Most Vegetarians I Ever See Looked Enough Like Their Food To Be Classed As Cannibals.

Th' Newspaper Does Ivrything F'r Us. It Runs Th' Polis Foorce An' Th' Banks, Commands Th' Milishy, Controls Th' Ligislachure, Baptizes Th' Young, Marries Th' Foolish, Comforts Th' Afflicted, Afflicts Th' Comfortable, Buries Th' Dead An' Roasts Thim Aftherward.