Cooking? Oh We Were Great,

So Here Are Some Foolproof Recipes For Those Of You Who Understand The True Function Of Food. Bean Treat: Gingerly Pour Four Fluid Oz Of Beans Or Something Into A Jug. Cry. Eat The Beans From The Jug And Pour The Rest From The Can Down Your Throat. N.b. These Taste Better If They Belong To Somebody Else In Your House. Pain Au Dunk: Fists Of Bread, Rent From The Loaf And Dunked Into Anything Runnier Than Bread. Should Eat At Least Six Of These Because…you Should. Don’t Toast The Bread. Toast Is Cookery.

You Know What You Are? You're A Beard With An Idiot Hanging Off It.

You’re Not An Adult At All - You're Just A Tall Child Holding A Beer, Having Conversations You Don't Understand...

I Don't Know That You're Able To Measure Your Aggregate Wisdom As You Go Through Life. I Can't Say That I Ever Feel That I'm Sitting On Top Of A Growing Mound Of Wisdom.

I've Got Better Things To Do Than Read Rubbish About Myself.